Pet peeves for Thursday 26th
When people, who’s someone from work ie: managers/ important people, say “oh yeah, I saw that email…” yet never decided to reply… You had 3 months to reply buds!
When you make plans to do/help/be with someone (2 weeks in advance) but decide to go golfing at the last minute instead. Thanks!
When you start a story and the person who SHOULD be listening hears a point in the middle which makes them remember a story they love so they plurt it out which then interrupts the story you had going.
Blargh I’m just pissed. I’m not the type of person to cry but I’m getting the numb feeling of everything. I don’t know, I just feel like I shouldn’t of based my happiness off of people like I did when I started to go to therapy. I told the girl that I didn’t think it would be a good idea to base my happiness on people but she said if it makes you happy then why is it a bad thing. Uh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that people aren’t stable. They change.
Frustrated, stressed, and confused.
Holy smokes, I have 2 weeks left of work and then my dad comes out. I have no time. I feel like the walls are caving in and I’m sitting here just watching it happen. What am I doing? I am trying to get up to that mental point where I am saying goodbyes and being “clapped” out of work. I am so nervous for that and praying that I don’t breakdown and bawl in the middle of it. Yikes, I just have to remember that I’m coming back and that I’m going for drinks with everyone on the Saturday as well. I can’t believe this is happening. I’ll be back to poco in 18 days. Yikes!!
28 more days!
I remember 250 days ago I was all about making the most of the last days I had left in Poco. Now, it’s making the most of the last days I have in Calgary. So much has changed since last summer. I’ve becoming the outgoing girl I once was, I have an amazing boyfriend, and I’ve made friends who I wouldn’t want to trade for the world. I’m extremely happy here and I’m going to miss these guys so much out here.
That all being said, I am looking forward to being home. I don’t think this summer will be as great as last year, but I’m going to try my best! I have some parties I want to throw and things I want to do this summer. I am looking forward to being with Kris and the girls, being able to see Sean again. I think that’s one thing I miss the most but I don’t really mention often on any of my social sites, but I miss the nights where me and Sean would hang out at crazy hours of the night. I miss him, we’ve had our disagreements this year, more so than ever before because me and Sean never did disagree but this year somethings came up but we got over it. I miss him. I miss seeing Dustin but I’m not going to see much of him anyways this summer but it is what it is. Then I hope I get to see Gerard and Jake, I miss them too. They’re one of a kind and I like their personalities and just how everyone mashes together. I’m looking forward to seeing Aggie, obvs! I can’t wait to come home and seeing her again! We’ve being talking like every other day and Skype and everything. We’ve gotten closer over the years. She told Becka about me dating and Lawson was like WHAAAT!! Aw, I can’t wait to come home. I want to go out with Aggie and Lawson and just it be summer.
“the first time I ever hung out with my friend…”
…she pulled out Rocky Horror Picture show and we didn’t even watch the whole thing. She just showed me scenes of it. I was so confused and I’ve yet to watch the whole movie.” “That explains why you’re so strange” “Oh, but it gets better! She’s my best friend now too” “Yep, that explains everything”. Me on Kristina to the guys in the back.
You know those moments when you just doubt everything and anything? THAT’S MY WEEK. HOLY FUCK. I just want to be assured that everything is going to be okay. And no, people telling me that it’s going to be okay isn’t going to make things okay. I feel like no one will understand what my thoughts are; because I don’t even understand them right now. I feel like I’m climbing up this ladder of school but I’m not getting anywhere. I’m staying in one spot. It fucking sucks. Like you go to school you to be a nurse you become a nurse, you go to school to be a chef you become a chef. I think it’s the fact that with my degree, I have no clue where I’m going to end up. I feel like I’m doing this for absolutely nothing. I can’t drop out because I’d get skinned alive by my parents. I’m not happy. I want to work with making a difference in the Environment and I want to work with a great company but this is bullshit. I don’t know where I’ll end up and it’s driving me insane. I almost just want to be like scratch this, let me go into something else and be at new school. If I were to go to a new school I’d be completely fucked. I hate this. I want to be done and out of school and just work at my job I have now with a degree; cause lets be honest with a degree you can’t go anywhere. I HATE THIS. I’M TRAPPED. Must finish which makes me want to just yell out “this is bullshit, I’m not going to go anywhere”.
fuck, I just want the summer. I want to be able to throw parties in my backyard in Vancouver.
I really want to be home for summer. I don’t know what to do. I talked to Stefan about this and we both agreed that me moving in with Carson would create problems. I don’t talk about this because a) not my business and b) if you know me well enough you’d know I try to be as diplomatic as I possibly can. Stefan and I are much the same in that sense that we both try to walk in the middle line of these types of things. Anyways, Stefan was like to be clear I’d turn it down or you’ll be bombarded with all the shit that goes around them. And I totally agree, I mean I still will be there for Carson and I will always listen to what he wants to get out. I’ll be there for him. But I feel like living with him could be dangerous.
ANYWHO, I want to be in Vancouver so badly for this summer. I’d cut off one of my arms for this. There’s so many things that are telling me to do it. But, as I’ve been saying since October, it all depends on my job. If I can’t transfer I’ll stay out here and move in with someone (maybe Carson). It’s looking positive that I should be able to transfer though I don’t see why it would be a problem. Ah, fuck just let me be in my own house for the summer I beg of you.
I want plan on throwing a party like I did for Nik’s 19th for a random day in the summer. I wouldn’t call it a party really… just having everyone over. I want to do it a weekend that Dtin will be home and possibly Mike comes but I don’t have a clue yet. I think it would be weird to introduce him to everyone like that. And personally I don’t think people would really want to meet my lovely boyfriend. I just feel like I don’t know, just that people don’t really care. I mean I know Kristina would be so extremely pissed off if I had Mike come out and be like you can’t meet him sorry! I could totally see her stopping over at my house and being like “oh, MIKE I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE HERE! I JUST CAME OVER TO DROP OFF THIS PEN I BORROWED FROM AMANDA IN HIGH SCHOOL”. Same with Aggie, she’d kill me in a heart beat. But they’re girls so I guess thats normal? I don’t know… I would want Mike to meet Dtin just cause he has played a big part in my life. Along with, god this is hard… I remember playing 21 questions with Gerard one night and he asked who I’d want Mike to meet from Poco and I don’t think I’d say the same people still. I would say Sean but I could see it getting awkward in the middle of hanging out. Like that awkward pause of quietness, but then again I can see that with everyone not just one person.
I just want to be in Vancouver so badly this summer. Let me be home. Me and Jess plan on coming out to see the guys and we’ll see if Mike comes out here it depends on a lot of things. Fingers crossed.
So, if you follow me on twitter (which you do) I tweeted earlier about something and I can’t really talk about this much cause I’m not allowed. But if you were to look there was a tweet earlier that involved tears of joy. Why? This right here. The greatest thing ever. If this is possible I can transfer as a trainer and go and train and work in the department I want. This is completely legit and if you put the pieces together you didn’t read it here, you saw it on the companies website which you can easily look up with /jobs at the end. AH, I’m beyond happy and I’m just praying it works out.
NOTE: if you tell people theres a this store opening in the mall tell them you found it on the web site not through me cause I can get in big shit. just. saying.
